A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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