Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
