Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
