The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
