Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
