Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
