So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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