She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
