I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
