Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
