Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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