Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
