Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
