you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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