you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
