i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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