things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
