Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i will never coherently bang her
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
