Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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