what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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