You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Bring me that man meat
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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