Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
