Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
