I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
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