when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
