My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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