i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
