Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
