y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
