..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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