nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
No stitches, just platelets and will power
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
