I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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