Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
