Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
