at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
