you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
