My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
