What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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