you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
