im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
