halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
