I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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