I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
