I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
