My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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