I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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