Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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