I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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