in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
