Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
