I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
