I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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