I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
