I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
