I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I need mimosas to revive my soul
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
