i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Randomize
