There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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